Changing HerStory (part 2)

With so much uncertainty and disruption in our world today, it’s more important than ever for all women to recognize their strengths, reclaim their voice, hold fast to dignity and self-value in all aspects of our lives. Women are beautiful, multi-talented, and multi-faceted creatures. Brilliant and capable of achieving so much, in our own right, yet we shrink ourselves, often without even realizing it.

We hold back from granting ourselves the trust and belief we deserve, placing that power in someone else’s hands. We doubt ourselves and habitually feel threatened by the success of other women, diminished by lack of support from our spouse or family, and are driven to work harder, spinning into ourselves, to earn permissions and recognition.

Most of us won’t even speak up and ask for help in the home. We let ourselves drown in the depths of responsibilities after a long days work, while everyone else is watching television. Why? Is it because we are so well trained at being good girls we’ll ride that wagon right off a cliff rather than ruffle some feathers?

I would throw that wagon off a cliff before letting my granddaughter or yours climb into it, if I could.

Women regularly rob themselves of power with martyrdom behaviors. One of these is the pouring of our souls into men for validation and guidance. Why do we lack trust in ourselves to make it on our own, make our own decisions, and just plain put ourselves first when it comes to what we want out of our lives?

Are we so terrified of being alone, of feeling lonely, or do we believe ourselves incapable altogether?

So often, women are willing to submit to mental and physical abuse in exchange for a feeling of safety, security, love, and wholeness. We cry for independence, roar with Katy Perry, but somehow continue seeking external validation to feel worthy, needed, and accepted from everyone but ourselves. Women preach sisterhood and support but revert to backbiting each other over men, and even in support of men’s opinions about other women.

Women can show their worst behavior when another woman stands up for herself against a man for rape, abuse, or some other wrong. Why would we assume she’s lying and seeking revenge or money over an affair gone sour? Instead, we should be concerned that she’s suffered trauma and ask ourselves how we can support her.

Where’s the sisterhood?

Shouldn’t we be alarmed, empathetic, or perhaps cheering when a woman finds the courage to step forward and tell someone about her abuse or injustice? I recently listened to a podcast put on by women, discussing the P-Diddy trial. Although I hadn’t been following the events of the trial, I was aware of the charges against him.

What was shocking was the way the female podcasters reacted and picked apart the women who made claims against the celebrity. Granted, these female podcasters want to stir the pot and keep the podcast popular and interesting and appealing to a wider audience. Still, it was hard to hear women verbalize doubts about the women’s claims, even with video footage of P. Diddy’s girlfriend’s beating in the mix.

Does the fact that P-Diddy is a celebrity make the difference?

Consider when a man has an affair, who gets most of the hate and blame?

The first thing most women do is condemn the other woman. She’ll gather her tribe and go blind eyed crazy with slanderous campaigns against the other woman. The neighborhood book club with gossip the other woman obviously led him astray. Or the reverse, that it’s the wife’s fault for not keeping herself appealing enough, putting on extra weight, and heaven forbid aging like a human being. The man was just a man forced to succumb to his basic instincts.

Why are the behaviors of men and women viewed differently on the job?

In the professional work environment, a man and a woman, equals in their field, relay the same information in the same way. He is admired for his strong leadership while she is whispered about as an overbearing bitch. Why? Because has a structure and expectations in place for the how, what, where, and why work is carried out in her department. The male supervisor has the same plan. Why do we tend to perceive the male in a power role as Big Daddy if he is at all competent, but a female as the Wicked Witch unless she pretty, or funny, or complacent or something else digestible and comfortable?

Why do women favor their male counterparts on the job?

Women dominated offices function well for the most part until the moment a man comes into the mix and everyone falls over themselves clucking and preening around him hens. He’s a hero with an entourage before even thinking of performing, and it won’t matter if he isn’t a great contract negotiator, PowerPoint creator, or email writer. The man, or new office husband, can do no wrong. These women will probably talk him up so much that he gets a promotion ahead of the most highly qualified women among them. Leaving them with one doll eye, slowly blinking in wonder. Time and again, women put men on pedestals and then wonder why they are going nowhere and feel shafted.

It’s partly our fault if our daughters and granddaughters don’t do better. It’s time for us to wake up and look at ourselves, to take ownership and the reins of our lives. We must actively design personal strategies to improve our presence in this world and extend a mindset of leadership in our girls. They won’t secure strong, respect-based futures in a world among men for long as TikTok cuties.

We want more for them, like leading more communities, companies, and countries, and being treated as welcome equals. That their gender, race, or religion were not checkboxes that put them there, to fill the requirement, but because of their ability, qualifications, and quality of their characters.

Thank you for reading,

Anne